Mixed emotions compete for a parent’s attention when a child leaves home. Often there’s the relief and excitement that the child has actually made it this far and that new opportunities are available. But then there is the concern for the child’s well-being, the longing for more contact and relationship, and the adjustment required when letting go.
Trusting the Lord in these challenges is important. Here are a few tips to keep you going in the right direction.
Pray every day.
Prayer is good on a number of fronts. First, God uses the prayers of his children to work out his plan in life. God answers prayer by changes hearts, providing safety, leading, and guiding. But the prayers serve another whole purpose in the life of the person doing the praying. Prayer allows the intercessor to gain God’s perspective, practice trust, and establish peace. Prayer is a powerful tool in the hand of a parent whose child has left home.
Initiate often.
Sometimes young people who move out of the house are so intrigued by their new life situation that they forget to send messages home. It’s not that they aren’t grateful for you or that they don’t love you, it’s just that life gets busy and the excitement and fun of the present situation is distracting. Your initiative is important to keep the lines of communication flowing. Even if your young person isn’t reciprocating or even answering your notes, messages, or cards, know that your initiative is important.
Offer advice carefully.
Young people who are living on their own need advice but sometimes find it difficult to receive it from their parents. So, choose your critiques carefully and only offer advice that you believe is most helpful. Moving to an adult-adult relationship instead of a parent-child relationship often demonstrates more respect of differences and care in sharing opinions, especially negative ones. Your child likely still needs parental input so the balance can be a challenge between sharing those thoughts and emphasizing support and encouragement.
Young people need the opportunity to grow up, and moving out of the house and living on one’s own can provide the environment for practical learning to take place. Sometimes that means that young people will make mistakes or lose the balance necessary to be successful. Those challenges require careful responses from parents. Sometimes that means simply taking an interest and praying. Other times it means stepping in and exerting a little more control. Either way, the way you handle the challenges models for young people a way that they can respond to life situations.
After all, God allows us to grow and develop in a number of different ways. Lots of love and grace can fill in to keep things moving in the right direction and can help young people accomplish that difficult job of growing up.
This article was written by Dr.. Scott Turansky, co-founder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting. www.biblicalparenting.org
